I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
