How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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