You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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