piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
