I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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