part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
