Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
