Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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