$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
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I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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