So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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