She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm like, not good at living.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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