I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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