Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
