Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize