Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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