gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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