The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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