hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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