Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
