I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
