I wish I could teleport
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
