one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
