fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
