do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
