Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
