I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
