I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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