He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
