I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
