Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
