Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
