i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
