I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
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I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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