Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
