How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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