GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
