We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
