If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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