a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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