I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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