I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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