you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
