Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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