Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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