Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
