dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
