This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
