Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
