i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
