I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Floor bacon is actually really good
The Olympian is in my bed
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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