im drinking this country out of the recession.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
