What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize