I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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