Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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