i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
