Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm too high and old for this...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
