For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
