You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
