Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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