If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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