Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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