i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
please come you make the beer taste better
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
