FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I love having hate sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Randomize
