Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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