His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
