Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
