just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
