Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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