Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize