Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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