I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
