I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
we made out on top of his cat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
