I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He passed out mid-signature
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
