I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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