He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
4 words: hood of his car
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I could fuck to npr.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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