You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
