By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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