just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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